I experienced something today that happens very few times in some one’s life; everything before me crumbled. Meaning and purpose were lost as I became overcome with hopelessness. The experience was a culmination of events from the last few weeks, or months, or even years.
I will start at the beginning of today though, because it seemed to be the catalyst for everything I have experienced in the last 12 hours. I was in my German class and the professor was talking about how upset she was that a bill proposed, I presume by Democrats, was shot down. It sought to require grocery stores to charge 5 cents for every plastic shopping bag some one used. How terrible, a step towards a cleaner world and sustainability at the price of carrying compact and light reusable bags. Immediately there was outrage. What kind of world would we be living in when the government made such ridiculous laws. “Its not the place of the government to regulate businesses and destroy plastic bag making companies.”
Even after the professor explained that a similar law had existed in Germany her entire life, and that she could not recall herself nor her mother ever once using plastic bags and paying the 5 cents, so many seemed to outraged. They refused to even acknowledge the idea.
Later today I found myself skimming through news articles on the CNN.com website. Why? Because I’m a ultra left wing nut job. No, because it just happened to be the links that show up on my google home page. All three articles were on politics, and none of them seemed controversial really. Yet when I scrolled to the user comments, almost every single one was bashing the article and the journalist. I found myself baffled that so many people took so much time out of their day to go to read news from sources they already hate and despise, only so that they can attack everything about them.
It was at this point that everything began to fall apart for me, that I was truly in awe at the state of the country, the government, and the political environment. Everything I saw today, everything I have seen in the last year really, has slowly eroded my faith. People no longer listen to what politicians say. Their opinions on every issue are made up before the know what the issue is, their arguments are formulated by bombardment. Bombardment from political parties, buzzwords and catch phrases that can be easily regurgitated over and over until the other side gives up.
What can I say to this, what can I do? I am in a constant political state, everything I see in the world is something worth considering, worth analyzing. I am not a Republican and I am not a Democrat. I am not a conservative and I am not a liberal. I am a rational human being, analytical and skeptical. The unfortunate result of this is that the opinions I form and defend are corralled together with the “left.” I am labeled by all and my opinions matter only to those who agree with me. Every time I open my mouth, type into a chat box, or write an essay, I am already judged and my opinions become worthless.
Meanwhile I examine this country, and I am overcome with an unbearable sadness. The common good is dead and with it the “American dream,” the “city upon a hill,” and every other sad cliché that has described America. Do people even understand their beliefs anymore? I can’t tell. I find myself surrounded by white, middle to upper class kids who think the world starts with them and only moves up. The poor are a small part of our country and are poor because they are lazy and make no effort. Even if this were true, there is no justification for just leaving them for dead. And since it is not true and so many people are impoverished in our nation for reasons they cannot help, it is all the more painful to see so many people so utterly apathetic to these problems.
Our country is falling apart and the best argument I can get is that its falling apart because the government needs to get out of people’s lives. That we need an unregulated economy. That we need lower taxes and to compensate we need to cut more social welfare programs, while we let our budget be consumed by the military industrial complex, a relic of World War II. Terrorized into thinking that everyone who does not agree with our cultural values is an enemy that must be killed or converted. I say all of this knowing that those who I wish to persuade are the ones least likely to give this any thought. That they have already rejected me because I do not agree with them and am therefore wrong by default. Why do I try, why do I do anything? I see nothing but personal attacks and insults. I am not perfect, and I do lash out. But I have the decency to apologize most of the time.
In all of this, I still have failed to explain the emotions I feel today, the despair. The common good is dead and there is nothing I can do to resuscitate it. Discussion and cooperation are dead and replaced by ignorance, ignorance to everything different. Merit is irrelevant today. All that matters is what party you claim to be. What can I possibly hope to salvage from this mess?
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